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The moment you can laugh at yourself, that’s when you will lighten up, smile, and join the rest of us.’ Jerry took his words to heart. He knew he wasn’t belittling him, and that he meant every word he said. That was another thing he liked about Tommy: He never said anything he did not mean. Jerry knew that he could say some damning things when he got angry, a thing that kept him from advancing beyond first-degree black belt in any of his martial disciplines. He could hear his shidoshis telling him, ‘You have achieved perfection of body and technique, but not of mind or spirit. Once you conquer the demons inside you, it is then will you achieve your heart’s goal.’ That thought always brought him a sense of failure, and failure brought anger at himself. It was a vicious circle of emotions, and Jerry knew that he had to break it to advance. He sighed. ‘Why don’t we go visit Jen and Yolanda?’ Tommy said. ‘We haven’t seen them for a couple of weeks, and I think we could ask them- you. Takeyour time means you're fired. Laws don't apply there. For every action,there is not an equal and opposite reaction. Not in law firm world."In spite of myself, I laughed. "Shut up. I'm just scared. Feel better?I've worked really hard and I'm scared, OK?" I started to cry. Not tearup. Cry. "I'm really scared. I'm feeling like, I can't explain it,"and I just bawled. People were staring at me.Laura hugged me, tight. "Shhh, Jessica. It's going to be OK. You'regoing to be OK. You can be scared. It's OK."I sniffled into her shoulder. "Are people staring?" Who fucking cares? You poor thing. I had no idea," and she steered meto a bench in front of a store. I stared at the ground and she put herhand under my chin and pushed up. "What's wrong, Jess?" Mom does that...the thing with her hand under my chin."She smiled. "If you want me to help, don't tell me I'm like mom."I smiled. "Sorry. Sorry to get snot on your sweatshirt." Stop it, Jessie. Tell me what's wrong,.
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